A few days ago, I woke up gently from a pleasant dream to the sound of birds outside my window. It was still early, the sun was just starting to lighten the sky, just a hint. And as I smiled at it, my face facing the window, it suddenly hit me like an anvil straight to the stomach. I might have flinched.

I’m the girl with cancer.

I pulled the covers over my head and tried to run back into a dream. Any dream.

I’ve often used escape as a coping mechanism for when reality get a bit too hard. Books, yoga, TV, food, funny cat videos (i don’t even like cats but cat videos are the BEST). But as I approach the start of chemo, it’s getting harder to find a hiding place that’s big enough to house me and my ginormous reality.

But my God in heaven…no instrument can measure his ginormoustrosity.

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You